In April/May 2009 I went on a journey. This journey started out as just a vacation, a way to escape the corporate world for just a little bit, but soon turned into an adventure of self discovery.
I had never been to the west coast before, so decided to fly to San Diego, rent a car, and over the course of two weeks drive to Vancouver. While I had planned to visit with friends and family here and there, this trip was mostly on my own. I of course visited all of the major cities of interest: San Diego, Los Angeles, San Fransisco, Portland, Seattle; but it was my excursions into the wild that really changed the way I view the world.
Over the course of two weeks I hiked in the desert in 102 degrees (do not recommend), kayaked with tiger sharks, stood next to redwood trees that are thousands of years old (HIGHLY recommend), hiked volcanoes, saw spring in bloom at the bottom of mountains, and snow-covered woods slightly higher. I got lost a few times, thought I would die of thirst in the desert or get bitten by a scorpion, met lots of interesting people, had my car broken into. I came across snakes, lizards, sharks, sea lions, seals, so many different kinds of birds it was hard to keep track, orcas and gray whales, elk, deer, raccoons, rabbits, turtles, and so much more. All in their natural habitats. But what made the biggest impact on this trip was the silver fox.
I was hiking on Mt. Ranier in Washington. As it was just spring, the bottom of the mountain was a lush green, starting to fill with wildflowers, but at just a slightly higher altitude, the mountain was still covered in at least 6 feet of snow. Part of self discovery on this trip – as much research as I had done, the New Yorker in me was not prepared for this much snow in May. I was not exactly prepared for snow hiking, but pushed on as much as possible anyway. I was completely alone. I hadn’t seen another human in quite a while. At this point in my trip I had become very attuned to the nature around me, and was very conscious of any animal I had come across. As I turned a bend, I stopped. Right in front of me, sitting on a snowy hill, was a silver fox. It was beautiful, and so unexpected. To see any fox is rare; to see a silver fox is extremely rare.
I observed the fox for what seemed like quite a while. I knew what was in front of me was special. After we stared at each other for a while, we parted ways. Something had shifted. Of everything that I had seen and had happened to me, over the course of my trip, seeing the fox is what has stuck with me the most throughout the last few years. I have travelled all over the world, and I have seen things you may not even imagine, but it is the silver fox that comes back to me over and over again.
I didn’t know much about spirit guides at the time. It wasn’t until recently (being nudged by the Jivamukti Focus of the Month, ahem, ahem) that I decided to look up the symbology of the fox. Foxes represent integration. According to Animal Teachings, by Dawn Brunke, “Integration helps us to bring together that which has been separated, segregated, forgotten, or lost. It exposes us to contrasting points of view, especially those that differ from our own. In order to reconcile opposites, such as the dark and light within ourselves, we must integrate. Integration helps us to elevate our self-esteem, and value the special gifts and talents that only we can bring to the world. Integration brings confidence, encouraging us to maintain our sense of self. With integration, we feel safe, supported, loved, and know that we belong.”
When I saw the fox, I was at a turning point in my life. I was 29 years old, and working at JP Morgan Chase. A year before I had gone through the downfall of Bear Stearns during the financial crisis. After 7 years working in this world, I truly knew I didn’t belong there, and never really did. (you’d think I would have realized that when I changed my major in undergrad from business to english, but you live and you learn, right? 😉 Just before going on this trip I had received my acceptance to NYU for grad school. Things were shifting, but I still wasn’t sure. After seeing the fox, I knew.
Dawn Brunke also says (from the Fox’s point of view), “Our work with humans opens up your senses, helping you observe life more keenly, and to experience the world more fully. To those who are patient and alert, we reveal passageways to different dimensions. We can also help you to find such openings within yourself. We are guides to a special form of integration. But we can only lead you so far.”
Foxes help you see more clearly, move more deftly, and find the way you fit into the world. In September of 2009 I started my grad work at NYU. Since then, I have worked as a high school guidance counselor, a college advisor, worked at a cafe, owned my own company, and became a yoga teacher. I have shifted and integrated into new worlds many times. And the silver fox is always with me. With eyes opened or closed I see him often. I didn’t know then, but I know now…the fox is my spirit guide.
Animal Teaching by Dawn Brunke http://www.animalvoices.net/